Finished planting all my seeds this morning. Some of earlier plants are starting to germinate already! I am feeling so excited about springtime! The temps today are gorgeous and I’ve spent a bit of time in the garden cleaning up the raised beds. While working, my thoughts wandered to how we all sometimes want something really bad and yet it never seems to happen. You may have wanted that thing for years…then one day it all makes sense why it didn’t happen. It could even be a friendship that was always a bit rocky but you kept trying to make it work. Then one day something happens and you understand it’s time to move on.
You even realize it’s not painful like you thought it would be. You saw the toxicity all along but chose to ignore it hoping you were wrong. It’s like a switch flips on and there it is! In your face. You know it’s time to let go.
It’s not easy letting go of a long time friendship. These people are like fixtures in our life. But they have always been a source of pain and stress. They don’t ever seem to really understand you are who you are. Deep conversations elude them. They never try to understand those things that bother you or that you are passionate about. They would rather sweep hard things under the rug and keep things at a surface level. So you oblige.
But by obliging you aren’t being true to yourself. You are suppressing part of what makes you, you! You don’t feel fulfilled, understood or heard. When hard topics arise they get distant and ignore the issue. Still, you continue the relationship. Until you just can’t.
I have mixed emotions today about a friendship that ended. I think part of me is relieved and part of me wishes it could’ve been different.
I had been wanting to end the friendship for awhile, but kept thinking it would get better. But the lies kept coming and misunderstandings. Today this person made the decision to say bye. It was weird because I had literally opened my email to do the same thing. End it!
The universe knew! My only regret is that I really cared for the person. Not sure why…there was lots of history there that was not good on their part…the writing was on the wall for a very long time.
I tend to give the benefit of the doubt even when my gut tells me different. But I can say deep down I’m glad it’s done. My feelings had changed in recent weeks toward my friend. I begin to see things more clearly than ever! It was hard, but necessary. While I don’t believe in a god that interacts in our daily lives, I certainly believe in a higher force that sees and knows our intentions. Energy is a powerful thing. This friends energy had been off for years. I chose not see it. Until a few days ago. I regret I tried so many times to explain myself to someone that really didn’t care to understand. They were selfish, I see that now. They have been selfish in their life in so many ways…yet I kept thinking it would be ok. I realized a few days ago it was not ok!
I have realized, listen to your gut, pay attention to energy, don’t let anyone, ever dismiss your feelings! Always be true to who you are!
Until next time…
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