For now I’ll continue to write about my feelings to help me work through them. And maybe someone else will benefit as well…I’m not going to apologize or feel bad for the way I feel….They are what they are. I’m sad…I feel almost like all the love and compassion has left…like one day we all still had some semblance of caring and love but on one day in November it all disappeared…the hope, compassion, love, and kindness…like a huge vacuum came in and sucked it all up…
All the light became surrounded by darkness…its closing in and I turn circles trying to find my way, I become more and more squeezed… I see other lights but they too are feeling squeezed by the darkness…we keep trying to hang on to the light….
I had a dream last night…there’s was a winding brick road, it reminded me of the yellow brick road in wizard of oz…only the road was black bricks…on either side of the road was trees, like a Forrest…dense and dark…the road was dark…there was a dim light shining...barely enough to see your hand in front of your face…but it was there.
On this road was a man…he was in a dark suit, he walked with an arrogant confidence, he was without emotion, his black shoes clicking on the brick with each step was all that could be heard in the darkness…it seemed so loud and cold…there were onlookers in the distance, on the road behind him…at first many were confused by his presence…some were eager to follow, others needed a bit of convincing… but one by one they began to follow him…those that were not sure eventually gave in at the nudging of their family or friends…there were pastors, business owners, young people, children being carried by their parents…there were farmers, old people, sickly people and strong people…people from all walks of life began to walk behind him…the darkness swallowed them up…there were hundreds of thousands walking, blindly following this man into complete and utter darkness…they seemed emotionally void…it felt like they gave up their “gooodness” and love for their “neighbors”…all the understanding they ever had, was traded in to follow this man.
It was surreal…it felt lonely, sad, confusing, desolate…In the trees were people holding candles with very small flames…what dim light there was, was coming from the candles they carried…they would come from the woods and tell the followers not to follow..that the road led to destruction and darkness...but it was as if they were deaf, mesmerized by the dark figure leading them to destruction…some would turn and glare at us or tell to be quiet they knew who the man was and he was going to save them…the man never spoke, he just quietly walked…slowly, methodically walked…he was on a mission of destruction and ruin…he slowly walked into the deep abyss of black and took all that he could with him.
There was such sadness in the trees…it almost felt like the trees were weeping with us…the air was cold and damp…it felt void of any love, or warmth just like the man…the trees would be green and beautiful but as he passed by the trees turned black and the leaves died and disappeared…In the trees were people in white robes holding candles, the candles were the light…it was dim light but none the less it was light in the darkness…the light holders were all the love and warmth that was left…they stood among the dead and desolate trees hoping to bring back the life that was once there….the light holders weren’t quiet sure why they were sad other than they knew the man seemed to bring destruction to all he passed by or touched…they sensed a change and profound sadness and confusion for the people following. They just instinctively knew it was wrong. They ask among themselves how do they not understand the darkness leads to no where other than death and destruction?…they just shook their heads in disbelief and continued to stand among the barren trees, holding their candles hoping at least some would decide the darkness was to horrible and come into the light for shelter…
Some in the trees wept as they felt they could not reach these people. Sadness was heavy. They felt helpless…these people were family, friends and loved ones…they didn’t understand why they were following…confusion was what I kept feeling in my dream. Confusion and a profound sadness and sense of loss. I woke feeling sad…
While it was a dream, it explains so clearly my feelings…it perfectly depicted what I feel is happening…I feel helpless, but not hopeless…I still have hope…it’s all I have…
Maybe this time next year, I will re-visit this post…and perhaps I’ll realize it was all silly and unwarranted…perhaps it’s all a dream based on fear!
Until next time…
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