Placed another seed order with Mary’s heirlooms yesterday. Ordered a few things baker creek didn’t offer. I should be set for awhile, but I admittedly have an affinity for seeds. Guess it’s my addiction of sorts! That and farm critters😁.
Plan on extending my herb garden this year with more medicinal herbs and get back into my studying of herbal medicine. I really do miss all this stuff, just had my mind elsewhere for a few years. Still do, but I’m trying to find the humor in the situation and keep my peace, what little I have left. I’ll get there!
Buying seeds and critters is generally cheaper than therapy, so that’s how I justify it🤣and you get far more out them! And let’s face it, a tomato plant nor goat is going to repeat what you say while ranting during chores! They get to hear some colorful stories and language, you get to vent and it’s never going to get repeated and they keep on loving you regardless of your stance on things! They will keep giving veggies, fruit, milk and meat…I’d say that’s a win, win situation!
This homestead keeps me grounded. It’s been awhile since I’ve been appreciative of what we’ve built. My heart, mind and thoughts have been elsewhere. I hate it, I really do. In all my life I’ve never been in such a place of disgust and disdain. I just wish I could go back to the time I was happy and didn’t know the things I now know.
Cynical, that’s a word to describe how I have become. I don’t like it. I used to not be this way. Can you ever go back? I mean, can you ever overcome cynicism? If so how? I don’t like how I feel about people, things, life in general. I used to be a happy, take it as it comes kinda gal. I lost that in 2016. I became someone that had fear, worry, and doubt. It’s never left me. 9 years, 9 long years…when will it end? I thought it had! I thought we would all choose better!
I often wonder if I will live to see the end of this tumultuous time. I wonder if our ancestors wondered the same during their times of upheaval. I know I’m not alone, but it feels like it at times. I sit and stare out the window wondering if we will all be ok. Will I be ok. Am I ok!? I’m not the same anymore. I want to go back and find where I lost me but I’m not sure where that was..I think around 2013 with the church situation. Then it was compounded in 2016. There was so much that happened. Maybe it was/is depression that I’m not recognizing. I’m trying really hard to get back to a place where I’m ok.
Each day seems a little better, so that’s progress. At least now I’m looking forward to something, my greenhouse and my garden. For years I didn’t even have that! So that’s progress. I’m still very fearful for what lies ahead. I understand I have no control. I’m angry at the ones that did! The ones that made the choice to take us all backwards. But, a day of reckoning will come to them all. Karma, I believe in Karma…it will always find you. For now I’m just going to try and focus on our homestead more and focus on getting myself better. I’ll keep having hope that the truth comes out and this madness stopped in its tracks! It is happening a little at time. That gives me hope!
Until next time…
No comments:
Post a Comment