Letting go

 

This morning sitting outside enjoying my coffee a gentle breeze was blowing, I watched several leaves come loose from their branch and slowly float to the ground. Each one seemed to so easily let go and accept it was time to let go. My mind wandered a bit to how hard it is for some of us to let go of things even when we know it’s time to move on…maybe it’s fear of change..maybe fear of what’s next…maybe it’s just wanting to hold on to familiarity even if its not healthy…

I share my journey here not to get attention, change anyone’s mind about their religion or to say they are wrong…I share my journey because I know there are 1000’s like me seeking answers and trying to find their way.

The journey out of organized religion and into agnosticism or atheism is not easy…it’s not like a snap decision…it took me 18 months to finally know I was done…we had left our church of 13 years under less than good terms, from there we visited several different churches…we finally settled on one that was really small. The pastor was an older woman in her late 70’s she had been pastor there for several years. We were welcomed with open arms…some friends of ours started attending there as well. They had no Sunday school teacher so I was ask to teach…I was honored and after a week of prayer felt like it was what I was to do. I accepted. Our friend was ask if he’d like to preach one evening and he was great! He began to preach on occasion to give Sister Helen a break. All was good. We all felt god had sent us there to help this church. Months wore on things just didn’t seem right. Little things in her sermons felt off. We had a guest preacher one Wednesday evening who spoke truth about the salvation process. The next Sunday Helen stood at the pulpit and ran this man into the dirt. It was awful…my husband and I had known this man for years and knew his heart! What he said was straight from scripture! In that moment I looked up at my husband and said I’m done…I can’t do this anymore. We walked out never to return. This was the hardest decision I had ever made. My husband and I spent much time in conversation and trying to figure out where do we go from here..nothing had made sense to us for several years…we had for years been questioning so many things…we began studying and asking questions..the more we talked, read, studied and ask questions the more questions we had.  No one could or would answer our questions. Everyone it seemed had the same canned answers. It was frustrating to say the least…

I began buying books, reading online, looking into different religions..I discovered so many lies I had been told…It took me 7 years to finally say I no longer believe in god…at least in the sense I was taught…

The Bible is contradictory and when one can read it from an objective perspective it just doesn’t make sense…I’ll explain a bit more in a minute…

Most of my family and my husbands family are Christian’s..we are told pretty often we are hell bound and need to get back into church….sigh…it’s hard…we didn’t walk away from our faith because it was easier…it’s harder than anything we have ever done in our life! Most people in our area are Christian’s…we lost friends and family when we left. People we loved dearly and we thought loved us quit talking to us. We would see them in the grocery store and they go the other way. It was awful and so very hurtful.  Anyway, those who think when people make this decision they do it on a whim, do it to “live in sin”, “to validate sin”, or “to make life easier” well, I’m here to tell you, we made our life far more complicated and hard by leaving…no one does that on purpose! 

Please note this is a very, very condensed version of events…so much happened that led to this decision over an 18 month to 2 year period.

Some of the questions that arose were why does god allow bad things like child abuse, sex trafficking, murder, war, torture, domestic violence, just major suffering of any kind…

Mainstream Christianity says god is all powerful, all knowing and all loving…meaning he wants the best for everyone…but here’s the problem…

Some souls go to hell for eternity, the worst fate imaginable…does god know ahead time who is going to hell? Can he prevent it? Does he choose not to prevent it?

So if god wants to prevent souls from going to hell but can’t he’s not all powerful…

If can prevent it but doesn’t, he’s not all loving…

If he doesn’t know who is going to hell until the end then he’s not all knowing!

 How does this make sense?

Some argue it’s free will, but if choosing not to believe in god leads to eternal suffering how is that a fair choice?

That’s like an abuser saying love me or I’ll beat you!

That’s not love and absolutely not a logical or fair choice.

Even if we accept that argument, remember hell is eternal…

An all loving being would at the very least give us another chance 

But hell is forever, there are no second chances 

So either god can’t prevent people from going to hell

Meaning he’s not all powerful 

Or he won’t meaning he’s not all loving 

Or he don’t know who’s going so he’s not all knowing.

Let’s look at child abuse, cancer, human trafficking…we can ask these same questions using these scenarios 

If he allows these things even if he can intervene and stop it, this means he’s not all loving

If he can’t stop it , he’s not all powerful

If he doesn’t know it’s going to happen…that makes him not all knowing! 

No matter how you slice it, it doesn’t make sense…I cannot reconcile these things in my mind.

Just this one contradiction proves that the god of the Bible as described in traditional Christianity is a logical impossibility! 

People argue that their experience proves there’s a god. Your experience does not prove to everyone god exists…it proves it to you! I could say I had an experience that convinced me the solar system was made of cheese and fruit and you need to believe that now because I experienced it! See how silly that is?

The garden of Eden story in Genesis…read it objectively…who tricked who? Was god actually the serpent? When he ask Adam where art thou because he and Eve hid, if he was all knowing he already knew where they were? Is this not manipulative? 

Why did he lie and tell them they would “surely die” as soon as they ate from the tree? 

All that happened is that they gained knowledge…

He also ask Adam if he ate from the tree, Adam blamed Eve, he threw her under the bus…wouldn’t an all knowing god already know that? Kinda manipulative huh?

Why did god not want their eyes opened?

Wouldn’t an all loving god have forgiven them rather than cursing them and us forever?

And why didn’t he just stop them from eating the fruit to begin with? What did he make it so appealing? Why not make it unappealing so they would not want to eat it.

So he’s not all powerful…

So god cursed all of mankind for ever because Eve made a mistake and ate from a tree. Women more cursed than men. Why not just extend  forgiveness? Isn’t that what a truly loving god would do? As a parent are we not forgiving of children when they mess up. Even if our child/ren do something we tell them not to do we do not exile them from our home. We forgive, explain and move on. Isn’t this the very least our father(god) should do for us? For Eve? I just really struggle with this whole story…and many more stories in the Bible.

So many questions no one can answer…the generic answers of you just have to believe, have faith…they no longer work for me or others…

I had to learn to let go…just like the trees lose their leaves one at time, we too must shed things that no longer serve us one at a time.

More later…until next time..

THL

Answers

While I certainly understand that I owe no one an explanation nor does anyone who walks away from their faith, this guy is so spot on not only for many of my reasons but reasons of so many more. Christian’s can’t answer so many questions when ask! It’s so frustrating. They have generic default answers. I would love to have a Christian sit down with me and ask me questions about why I left rather than assuming I just want to live in sin, or immorality, of whatever other crazy idea they come up with. There are very valid reasons people leave. This guy doesn’t even scratch the surface in this video but it’s a start! 

 

 

 I’m learning this…slowly, but I’m learning. It’s just so hard to be misunderstood isn’t it? People that matter will listen without judgement or trying to fix you because they listen with intent to understand your feelings and where you are coming from!

Let’s be better

Sitting outside in the stillness of the morning I feel relaxed and content. I woke this morning with things on my mind…I woke thinking about the division in our society…the disdain one political side has for the other, the disdain believers have for non believers, the disdain straights have for gays…this is of course not true in all situations. There many accepting people on both sides.

Then there are ones like me that in the middle…we sit back and watch all this division and wonder how did we get here? It begs an answer…

Most people are followers and we all long for people to identify with and groups to belong to. I think that is simply just human nature. We equate being included as acceptance and love. When we aren’t included we feel unaccepted and unloved.

Most leaders know this. They find a platform they think will reach the most and they use it to their advantage. The followers flock to this person because they feel understood, heard and validated. The problem arises when the leaders use threats of fear, violence, aggression, intimidation, and lies to build a following. This is done in such a subtle way that the followers don’t know it’s happening and before long they have been brainwashed.

Fear is especially effective. I grew up in a Christian denomination that talked about hell all the time. It was an extremely effective mind control tool to keep the members coming back every time the church doors were open. As children and young adults it was effective to keep us in line at home. As a very young child, I was around 4 I had misbehaved, I really don’t remember what exactly I had done, but my mother took me by my arm and ask me “Do you think god loves you when act like that? Do you think mawmaw(my grandma) loves you when you act like that?” My first memory of god being weaponized, but certainly not the last. I remember feeling sad that I wasn’t loved if I was bad. That has had lasting scars in my life.

We are living in a society full of fear…democrats fear republicans and vice versa, straights fear LGBTQ, whites fear blacks and other immigrants and they fear white people…has anyone ever ask why? 

Political figures plant these things in our minds…with social media and media in general we are bombarded with information from both sides! May be factual may not be. We see it, read it, hear it every. single. day! Most will not fact check what they read or hear because it’s time consuming and simply easier to just let it be. So it stays in our subconscious mind. Most us also tend to seek out information that will confirm their biases even if they do research further.

This is called confirmation bias.

confirmation bias, people's tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with their existing beliefs. This biased approach to decision making is largely unintentional, and it results in a person ignoring information that is inconsistent with their beliefs.    

Many will refuse to see another side or viewpoint because they are biased thinking their way is right, even when there are facts to the contrary. They seem to have the ability to reason their stance even in the face of  opposite information.

Christians are the same. They will look for scripture, preachers, pastors etc..that will validate their deeply held biases. I know this because for 46 years I was a Christian with deeply held beliefs. Christians struggle with gays, lesbians, trans etc. they say it’s against the Bible and we are here to reproduce etc…they will not even look at scientific studies that show the brains of gays are different. They are convinced in their own minds and the Bible it’s wrong. They are unwilling and/or unable to understand how many times the Bible has been rewritten and reinterpreted over 100’s of years! Books left out, words changed. From the Codex Sinaticus to the Geneva Bible to the KJV all hold so dear. There have been multiple additions and subtractions over the years! Homosexuality being one of many things added.

People know they are gay many times from a very young age, yes the Christian community will tell you they can’t know…I have to ask them how did you know you were straight and what age? Another argument is well it goes against nature…so does being born with no arms, or Down syndrome or being mentally challenged. Should we ostracize and condemn these people too? 

Christian’s especially are fearful of anything different from them. Witches are evil and scary, gays are trying to turn everyone gay, Buddhist are ill informed…political opponents are trying to become dictators and take our rights. Gotta put the Bible in schools to save our nation. In other words brainwash our children from kindergarten to make good little Christian soldiers! Sigh…I digress 

Here’s the thing…you as an individual are free to believe whatever you want. But you do not have the right to put that on every one else. If you think gay is wrong, fine! Think that, but you nor anyone else has the right to pass laws, mandate, coerce, threaten, ostracize, demean or abuse  a gay person. 

If you think witches are evil great! Think that but again same as above.

If you think Christianity is the only true religion, great! That’s your choice. But you do not have the right to say everyone has to be Christian….abortion wrong in your eyes? Fine! Don’t have one!

Freedom means freedom for everyone…not just people like you. You absolutely cannot stand for freedom and then oppress others rights to be who they are and believe how they want to believe. Thats only freedom for you and those like you. The rest are oppressed. Just think about that! Is it freedom for ALL or freedom for ALL like you?

I have observed all this play out for years as a middle of the road kinda gal. It’s hard to watch, it really is. I see things both sides are doing politically to gain a following…I see the people falling for it and being less than kind to others on the other side! 

We are a divided country and we have allowed it to happen. Our leaders have allowed it to happen. Until we, the people say no more, it will continue to devour us. 

We have to start with ourself and examine our own part in this game being played. We must be honest with how we contribute to the divide…things we post on social media, the way we treat others, the way we are unable to listen and hear another persons heart. None of us have all the answers. We cannot continue to name call, belittle and be mean to people different from ourselves. You can’t listen objectively and tell a person they need Jesus because it worked for you! I firmly believe that Christianity is not the “only right” way! There are 10,000+ religions in the world…many a similar story line…oh! But let’s not talk about that! The odds of Christian’s being the only legit one is slim to none. It might be the one for you, but that don’t make it the one for all! 

Let’s all do better, be better and love one another better!

It all starts with the man/woman in the mirror!

Until next time, be a beacon of light in this dark world.

THL

Darkness vs light

Talking starts at around second 45.🙂

 

Those pesky questions

Sitting here on my swing in the shade with glimmers of sunshine coming through the trees occasionally I feel content yet sadness. I have felt sadness for awhile now. Not depression but just a nagging feeling missing what was…I remember a time when people got along, when you ask a question you got answers not just default to “it’s what I believe.”Asking questions were not considered arguing or debating…questions were respected and encouraged…but, those days have ended. Seems we are all left with figuring it out on our own and allowing people to live in the bubble they create for themselves to insulate from anything that doesn’t go along with their narrative or beliefs. They fear questions maybe…or is it the truth they fear? The truth can be hard! I’m finding more and more people only want to hear what aligns with their thinking. Truth aludes them. They prefer chaos over peace, lies over truth and fiction over fact! They cling to “their truth” over the actual facts. It’s disheartening to say the least. 

Questions are how we learn, how we bounce ideas off one another, how we check our own thought process against others! If we aren’t afforded this opportunity we simply cannot grow as individuals, as people, as a society. Generic default answers do nothing more than show a persons ignorance and unwillingness to use critical thinking skills. 

Remember when your kids were small(if you have them) and how they ask questions all the time…they had a curiosity about you and the world around them. They had such a magical and excited smile when discovering something new when we explained about lizards or spiders or the moon! They were unlocking and discovering new things daily…sometimes the questions seemed non stop…lol…but had we not answered each one how would they have learned? They might have eventually gotten answers from someone but the point being we engaged them to teach them…most parents didn’t have a default answer to every question ask! 

If people are going to slander and make crazy wild accusations about someone then they need to be able to back up those claims! We can’t just go around on a whim saying crazy shit about people and just expecting others to believe it! Some will of course, but many will not and you need to be able to have solid answers for your statements. If not it proves you are doing nothing more than regurgitating crap you have been told! Sorry, but the “just how I perceive it” folks are the problem with our society! No critical thinking skills at all. Just stick their head in their holy book and call it day! Denial is powerful! Deny the truth so you feel good about your ignorance.

I’m getting old and some say cranky…lol…but I still have curiosity about things…I do ask questions, lots of them! It’s how I learn…other adults may be happy with the status quo but unfortunately I’m not one of them…lol…I still believe in the wonder and miracles of life…it’s sad to me others don’t …

No matter what I’ve gone through in this life I still feel it worthy of living, worth exploring, and worth asking the really hard questions. I am learning that’s not always safe to do…not necessarily in a physical sense but in an emotional or mental sense. People can be harsh and even mean….it makes me sad this is where we are. People revert to accusations of arguing or debating. Intelligent conversation has went away…not in all people but most. I long to find a friend that can I can sit down with and talk about the hard things, the weird things, the real things…the things we both wonder about! I had that once and she’s now on the other side. It makes me sad.

I am so grateful that even at my age I still have the wonderment of a child…a thirst for knowledge and a never ending barrage of questions swirling around in my head. I’ll not live long enough to have them all answered, but while I’m here I will always ask them!

Questions are important! We must ask them in order to understand the world in which we live. If we don’t we are subject to falling for anything! 

I wish to all who reads this a beautiful day full of wonderment and joy!

Until next time…

THL

Decisions

 As I sat on my swing outside this evening trying to identify what I was feeling after an emotionally difficult day of feeling very misunderstood…I made a decision…I am leaving Facebook. I don’t hate Facebook at all, but the truth is I am not good with so 

many different personalities that I face everyday. All the opinions, bullying, hate, lack of respect and proselytizing is to much for me….Blogging is more my thing as I feel “safer”. I’m not bombarded with so many people and I can more easily control what I read and am exposed to. Maybe some out there will understand. 

Now I want to reintroduce my self. 🙂 I am a 50 something year old lady, living on a homestead somewhere in the deep woods. I am not a Christian so if you came here hoping to find that, I’m sorry to disappoint. I really don’t have any one belief at this point. If you come here to proselytize please just move on. I have studied many different belief systems and I guess I kinda pull from all them. So what you read here will probably be a mixture. I love to write and encourage others. Encouraging others that have been through similar things as I and my husband have is very close to my heart. My past writing will help explain that. Writing gets me out of my head. I am very introverted, but not shy. Introverts tend to be over-thinkers and in their head a lot…that’s certainly true for me and writing is my way to get it all out and process what’s going on in my head. I am a rather sensitive soul and someone who is a literal and logical thinker. I love deep discussions with people committed to understanding another point of view. I ask questions and find it frustrating when someone gives a default answer with no rationale. I try yo practice mindfulness in all I do and write. 

So, what will you find here? You will find a collection of  my thoughts, hopes, dreams and aspirations. You will find pictures of farm animals and writings about our happenings. I enjoy posting quotes from a various sundry of people I admire. And probably on occasion I will post things about politics although I’ll try to refrain. 😁I will state upfront I am unaffiliated with either of the 2 major parties. Please do not lump me into one of the 2. I will not argue with anyone. 

I hope you enjoy your time here. Not sure I’ll post everyday but I will post often. I hope you find your time here uplifting, encouraging and worthwhile! I look forward to our mindful journey together!

Until next time

THL

Seek peace

It’s a beautiful morning on the homestead. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to sit outside…it’s just been to hot. Summer is quickly coming to a close and autumn will take its place. I’m not looking forward to summer ending, but I am looking forward to the intense heat being gone.

It’s a quiet morning, my favorite kind! It’s been a busy summer around here…homestead projects,goat kids being born and just the normal homestead daily tasks. 

We are beginning to do fall preparations, buying hay, making sure propane is topped off in the tanks…taking inventory of things we may need to make it through a bad winter if we happen to have one.

Soon the house will be filed with smells of baked goods, breads & pies! I have some tomatoes I need to sauce from the garden but I’ve waited for the heat to die down…I also have some strawberries and blueberries I need to turn into jelly…

This is such a good life…simple, but good. I look around at all the craziness in our world and I’m so grateful to be away from the brunt of it. Out here seems like a different world…it’s quiet, simple and peaceful. My days are slow paced but filled with things that make a difference…I’ve had to learn over the years what things, people and subjects get my attention and which ones don’t. That’s not always an easy decision…I’ve come to the conclusion that the things, people and subjects add benefit to my life they have a spot…if they/it bring chaos, upheaval or disturb my peace I do not hold space for them/it. Life is short! Be happy! Do those things that make you happy. Have people in your life that make you better….enjoy your coffee outside in nature…nature is healing…take a walk, sit under a tree and read a book…just breathe! 

We will all face challenges, life is not perfect no matter where you live…deal with those challenges and then move one, don’t hold a space for anger, hate or bitterness…it will destroy you! Deal with those feeling and then choose peace! Our world is chaotic right now…emotions are high…uncertainty is looming…unplug…take a walk, read a book, journal, be mindful, or just sit in silence…recenter your thoughts…we can still find peace in our soul admist the chaos!

Seek peace,be mindful 

THL