So what's going on with you all? Things are quiet as always around here...my youngest daughter is due very soon with our 4th grand-child, 3rd grand-daughter... we are excited! Spring has decided to to hold off I guess in these parts, it's frustrating as I am so ready to be outside playing in the dirt...when I'm outside in nature I am in my element! The goats we bought in December are doing well, the kids are growing and getting big...I have a buck on deposit and will pick him up the end of May or first part of June..
It's been a long journey the past years...but it's been good and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...finally! Grieving is hard and there is no time limit like we like to believe. People will say well, it been a year or however long...I always wanna say "and why does that matter.? See, i've learned grief is ongoing, it doesn't stop when you want it to, or wish it would, as a matter of fact...I don't believe it ever stops, we just somehow learn to live around the loss of our loved one...I think we grieve indefinitely and sometimes the grief is more intense than others...We do learn to do life differently without that person or persons but they’re always in our hearts, thoughts and lives to some degree...and because of that grief is too...
When I decided to stop homesteading I had it in my mind I just needed to "get over" all the loss we had suffered in the last 5 years..I thought I needed to time to "grieve" and when my grieving was done I could pick it all back up...but as I said, I have learned grieving doesn't end... I also learned life does indeed go on...I will grieve as I continue on my journey of life...when those feelings come up I just need to take time and feel them, process them and keep moving forward...
In order to move forward I must actively engage in those things that define my life...such as homesteading...in past months i've been stuck..stuck in thought and hope....hoping this grief would just magically be gone one day and when it wasn't I began thinking something was wrong with me...there is nothing wrong with me..my grief process has been normal....What isn't really normal(for lack of a better word" is my thinking...thinking this would all go away and I wouldn't grieve anymore after a certain time period had passed...
A lot of time has passed and I still cry from time to time over all the loss...but its ok...And it's time for me to realize that it's ok for me to still enjoy life and all things I used to love...I think I did need a break from all the stuff we had going on...I did need time to process all that had happened and to find me...I needed to time to figure out if what I was doing was really working for me, as person and woman...the answer I found was yes and no...Lord! why can't things just be cut and dry..LOL...Homesteading is my deep passion...but doing it on the scale I was trying to do it on was not working...So when we pick it up this time, it will be on different terms...a few goats, a dozen or chickens..and the bees...that's enough!
I realized in my 'down time' that if I spent all my time working I wasn't really living...Farm man and I want to travel even if its just short trips...we are making that a reality now...its been nice...
We are still not involved in organized religion and doubt we ever will be again...we have made our peace with ourselves, what we believe and with those that hurt us beyond words...albeit way different than before, it is working for us...
I look forward to sharing day to day life here with you all...I have no specific direction to take this blog in mind...it will simply be a collection of thoughts, lessons and what our life is like on Rocky Oak Homestead hope you all will join me!...Stay Tuned!
My new little buck to added very soon! No name yet.
Happy Homesteading,
~Kris
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