Changes & Life

I have never been a person that liked the winter...it's to cold and dreary and it always reminded me of death...everything alive dies in the winter...this year I have adjusted my thinking and I am finding the winter to be a bit refreshing...the cold air is refreshing from the stifling heat here in the south...and life must rest and renew....the fall and winter are a time of rest for much of nature...in the spring new life will begin...I am working on my mindfulness and learning to find the beauty and purpose of each season..it's not as hard as it once was...after all, it's just a season, not a permanent thing...When we spend our time fretting of over things we can't change, like the weather seasons, we waste a lot of time...time we cannot get back...change is part of life...resisting that change is what brings us misery...it's easier to accept that change is inevitable and even if you don't like it, agree with or support it, it's going to happen...you either go with it and the make the best of it...or fight it and be miserable...I choose to just go with it...which brings me to my changes...

In my last post I blogged about our tiny house endeavor...that has been put on hold...we have another opportunity that we are looking into...one that will work better for our situation...While I was excited at the tiny house option, I was also open to the the change this other opportunity brought....In years past I would have been upset and disappointed, but things happen for a reason and forcing an issue that isn't meant to be will only set us up for failure...I guess it called "faith" to many....We just trust that "God" and the universe has our back and will bring us whatever is right for us...our job is to listen and embrace it...I'm excited to see where this journey takes us in the next couple of months....

In homestead news we lost 5 chickens to what we think was a opossum a couple weeks ago...I was able to replace them with hens already laying so it worked out great...We are getting more eggs than hubby and I can eat...we share with neighbors and family...It's awesome to be generous...The goats are doing good...i'm sure we will have "kids" closer to spring...I am very much looking forward to that...But for now most my time is spent indoors staying warm...On warmer days I meander outside and stand at the fence watching my chickens peck and being grateful for the life I have been given...While at times its difficult and brings great sorrow...there is more times that are good and joyful....I am so thankful for all I have and look forward to sharing my journey of life with you all...

Until Next Time

Changes & Life

I have never been a person that liked the winter...it's to cold and dreary and it always reminded me of death...everything alive dies in the winter...this year I have adjusted my thinking and I am finding the winter to be a bit refreshing...the cold air is refreshing from the stifling heat here in the south...and life must rest and renew....the fall and winter are a time of rest for much of nature...in the spring new life will begin...I am working on my mindfulness and learning to find the beauty and purpose of each season..it's not as hard as it once was...after all, it's just a season, not a permanent thing...When we spend our time fretting of over things we can't change, like the weather seasons, we waste a lot of time...time we cannot get back...change is part of life...resisting that change is what brings us misery...it's easier to accept that change is inevitable and even if you don't like it, agree with or support it, it's going to happen...you either go with it and the make the best of it...or fight it and be miserable...I choose to just go with it...which brings me to my changes...

In my last post I blogged about our tiny house endeavor...that has been put on hold...we have another opportunity that we are looking into...one that will work better for our situation...While I was excited at the tiny house option, I was also open to the the change this other opportunity brought....In years past I would have been upset and disappointed, but things happen for a reason and forcing an issue that isn't meant to be will only set us up for failure...I guess it called "faith" to many....We just trust that "God" and the universe has our back and will bring us whatever is right for us...our job is to listen and embrace it...I'm excited to see where this journey takes us in the next couple of months....

In homestead news we lost 5 chickens to what we think was a opossum a couple weeks ago...I was able to replace them with hens already laying so it worked out great...We are getting more eggs than hubby and I can eat...we share with neighbors and family...It's awesome to be generous...The goats are doing good...i'm sure we will have "kids" closer to spring...I am very much looking forward to that...But for now most my time is spent indoors staying warm...On warmer days I meander outside and stand at the fence watching my chickens peck and being grateful for the life I have been given...While at times its difficult and brings great sorrow...there is more times that are good and joyful....I am so thankful for all I have and look forward to sharing my journey of life with you all...

Until Next Time

Changes & Life

I have never been a person that liked the winter...it's to cold and dreary and it always reminded me of death...everything alive dies in the winter...this year I have adjusted my thinking and I am finding the winter to be a bit refreshing...the cold air is refreshing from the stifling heat here in the south...and life must rest and renew....the fall and winter are a time of rest for much of nature...in the spring new life will begin...I am working on my mindfulness and learning to find the beauty and purpose of each season..it's not as hard as it once was...after all, it's just a season, not a permanent thing...When we spend our time fretting of over things we can't change, like the weather seasons, we waste a lot of time...time we cannot get back...change is part of life...resisting that change is what brings us misery...it's easier to accept that change is inevitable and even if you don't like it, agree with or support it, it's going to happen...you either go with it and the make the best of it...or fight it and be miserable...I choose to just go with it...which brings me to my changes...

In my last post I blogged about our tiny house endeavor...that has been put on hold...we have another opportunity that we are looking into...one that will work better for our situation...While I was excited at the tiny house option, I was also open to the the change this other opportunity brought....In years past I would have been upset and disappointed, but things happen for a reason and forcing an issue that isn't meant to be will only set us up for failure...I guess it called "faith" to many....We just trust that "God" and the universe has our back and will bring us whatever is right for us...our job is to listen and embrace it...I'm excited to see where this journey takes us in the next couple of months....

In homestead news we lost 5 chickens to what we think was a opossum a couple weeks ago...I was able to replace them with hens already laying so it worked out great...We are getting more eggs than hubby and I can eat...we share with neighbors and family...It's awesome to be generous...The goats are doing good...i'm sure we will have "kids" closer to spring...I am very much looking forward to that...But for now most my time is spent indoors staying warm...On warmer days I meander outside and stand at the fence watching my chickens peck and being grateful for the life I have been given...While at times its difficult and brings great sorrow...there is more times that are good and joyful....I am so thankful for all I have and look forward to sharing my journey of life with you all...

Until Next Time

Changes & Life

I have never been a person that liked the winter...it's to cold and dreary and it always reminded me of death...everything alive dies in the winter...this year I have adjusted my thinking and I am finding the winter to be a bit refreshing...the cold air is refreshing from the stifling heat here in the south...and life must rest and renew....the fall and winter are a time of rest for much of nature...in the spring new life will begin...I am working on my mindfulness and learning to find the beauty and purpose of each season..it's not as hard as it once was...after all, it's just a season, not a permanent thing...When we spend our time fretting of over things we can't change, like the weather seasons, we waste a lot of time...time we cannot get back...change is part of life...resisting that change is what brings us misery...it's easier to accept that change is inevitable and even if you don't like it, agree with or support it, it's going to happen...you either go with it and the make the best of it...or fight it and be miserable...I choose to just go with it...which brings me to my changes...

In my last post I blogged about our tiny house endeavor...that has been put on hold...we have another opportunity that we are looking into...one that will work better for our situation...While I was excited at the tiny house option, I was also open to the the change this other opportunity brought....In years past I would have been upset and disappointed, but things happen for a reason and forcing an issue that isn't meant to be will only set us up for failure...I guess it called "faith" to many....We just trust that "God" and the universe has our back and will bring us whatever is right for us...our job is to listen and embrace it...I'm excited to see where this journey takes us in the next couple of months....

In homestead news we lost 5 chickens to what we think was a opossum a couple weeks ago...I was able to replace them with hens already laying so it worked out great...We are getting more eggs than hubby and I can eat...we share with neighbors and family...It's awesome to be generous...The goats are doing good...i'm sure we will have "kids" closer to spring...I am very much looking forward to that...But for now most my time is spent indoors staying warm...On warmer days I meander outside and stand at the fence watching my chickens peck and being grateful for the life I have been given...While at times its difficult and brings great sorrow...there is more times that are good and joyful....I am so thankful for all I have and look forward to sharing my journey of life with you all...

Until Next Time

Weeds in our journey

Once again it's been far to long to since I visited here...Life is just busy, or rather I should say full. So here's my update and thoughts.

We bought a buck to breed to our doe's to this fall. We had intended to get 2 bucks, brothers, but with only 3 doe's we decided against that. We will add more bucks as we expand our herd a bit.

Our bee hive is flourishing and we are enjoying having bees and honey!

We had planned on getting more chickens, but talked myself out of it. I'm just not ready to be tied down with them again. I am enjoying my freedom to much! LOL

Farm man and I became grandparents for the 4th time in April.  A little girl named Remi. She just turned 2 months old and is a beautiful little lady. We are enjoying our blessings.

We have also been doing some light traveling in recent months delivering the puppies we sell. We are enjoying the freedom we have found since becoming empty nesters. :)

As usual life has had plenty to teach us and keep us busy here on the homestead. The one year anniversary of my friends death, the 2 year anniversary of my dads passing and the 4 year anniversary of leaving our church is all upon us...it certainly makes me weepy...so much loss in a short period of time. I am slowly working through all the emotions and changes that come from loss. I feel its been a very slow process but yet it also seems like yesterday all this happened. 

This morning as I checked my email there was an email from a person whose writings I subscribe to. It was so timely and spoke volumes. I want to share a snippit here...

The writer was talking abut where she lived as a child and all the beautiful gardens that once thrived there. Over the years they had become unkempt and overgrown. Someone had been working on restoring the gardens and said to her..

"You can't just go in with a garden like this and start tearing things out-everything would die off. You've got to go slowly and allow the secrets of of the garden to reveal themselves to you."

Wow! Profound! I feel that's kinda how my life has been for the past 4 years...Just bumbling around throwing out this and that with no rhyme or reason hoping against the odds all this pain and confusion would just go away... I've been so busy trying to rid all this pain that i've not taken the time to see the beauty or wisdom in all of this...and yes, there is beauty and wisdom in our pain...just like the garden above, many times we focus on the weeds to the point we can't see the beauty that lies just behind them...we think the only way to 'fix it" it to tear everything out and start over when in reality we just need to slow down and begin the daunting task of removing the weeds and keep the beautiful growth that lies just behind them. Weeding, as most of us know is a painful and slow process, sometimes it feels overwhelming and we simply just don't where to start...I think that's kind of been where my mindset has been..."where do I start"...truthfully, you just pick a place and start and slowly working to dig out all the weeds and sometimes very deep roots...it is painstaking...we will toil and sweat and want to give up..but we must stay at it to ever find the all the beauty that lies just behind the weeds...slowly we will begin to see to progress and the beauty will begin to emerge...all the effort will then be worth it...most of the time in the end we will come to find all the work put into weeding becomes so minimal compared to the radiance of the beauty left behind...We find it was all so worth it...

I have done a lot of weeding over the past 4 years, and it's been hard, back breaking work...I have discovered my focus has been so much on the weeds I have failed to see my progress in my journey...My brother pointed out to me in a conversation the other day I have come a long way and have been able to change my perspective so much...I guess because i've been in the trenches trying to dig my way out I forgot to stop and look at the beauty left behind in the wake of my weeding...and there is beauty, learning and much wisdom i've gained over the years...I just need a new perspective...I need to change my focus from a negative to a positive and realize our journey is for a reason...be it painful, joyful, easy, hard, ugly, pretty...its all for our benefit...All the hard work of weeding pays off with a bountiful harvest...so it is with our life journey...We can't appreciate the beauty if we never have weeds. We need to be grateful and thankful for the weeds in our journey!

Until next time...
Kris

Well, hello blogland!

Yes, I'm alive and doing well...Not sure why getting back to blogging has been so hard for me other than my time is being spent elsewhere..but hopefully I can figure out a way to fix that!

So what's going on with you all? Things are quiet as always around here...my youngest daughter is due very soon with our 4th grand-child, 3rd grand-daughter... we are excited! Spring has decided to to hold off I guess in these parts, it's frustrating as I am so ready to be outside playing in the dirt...when I'm outside in nature I am in my element! The goats we bought in December are doing well, the kids are growing and getting big...I have a buck on deposit and will pick him up the end of May or first part of June..

It's been a long journey the past years...but it's been good and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...finally! Grieving is hard and there is no time limit like we like to believe. People will say well, it been a year or however long...I always wanna say "and why does that matter.? See, i've learned grief is ongoing, it doesn't stop when you want it to, or wish it would, as a matter of fact...I don't believe it ever stops, we just somehow learn to live around the loss of our loved one...I think we grieve indefinitely and sometimes the grief is more intense than others...We do learn to do life differently without that person or persons but they’re always in our hearts, thoughts and lives to some degree...and because of that grief is too...

When I decided to stop homesteading I had it in my mind I just needed to "get over" all the loss we had suffered in the last 5 years..I thought I needed to time to "grieve" and when my grieving was done I could pick it all back up...but as I said, I have learned grieving doesn't end... I also learned life does indeed go on...I will grieve as I continue on my journey of life...when those feelings come up I just need to take time and feel them, process them and keep moving forward...

In order to move forward I must actively engage in those things that define my life...such as homesteading...in past months i've been stuck..stuck in thought and hope....hoping this grief would just magically be gone one day and when it wasn't I began thinking something was wrong with me...there is nothing wrong with me..my grief process has been normal....What isn't really normal(for lack of a better word" is my thinking...thinking this would all go away and I wouldn't grieve anymore after a certain time period had passed...

A lot of time has passed and I still cry from time to time over all the loss...but its ok...And it's time for me to realize that it's ok for me to still enjoy life and all things I used to love...I think I did need a break from all the stuff we had going on...I did need time to process all that had happened and to find me...I needed to time to figure out if what I was doing was really working for me, as person and woman...the answer I found was yes and no...Lord! why can't things just be cut and dry..LOL...Homesteading is my deep passion...but doing it on the scale I was trying to do it on was not working...So when we pick it up this time, it will be on different terms...a few goats, a dozen or chickens..and the bees...that's enough!

I realized in my 'down time' that if I spent all my time working I wasn't really living...Farm man and I want to travel even if its just short trips...we are making that a reality now...its been nice...

We are still not involved in organized religion and doubt we ever will be again...we have made our peace with ourselves, what we believe and with those that hurt us beyond words...albeit way different than before, it is working for us...

I look forward to sharing day to day life here with you all...I have no specific direction to take this blog in mind...it will simply be a collection of thoughts, lessons and what our life is like on Rocky Oak Homestead hope you all will join me!...Stay Tuned!

My new little buck to added very soon! No name yet.

Happy Homesteading,
~Kris

Well, we made it another year! I am so grateful. I woke this morning with a sense of hope...not sure I can adequately explain it but I just feel free! It’s like I have carried around a backpack full of bricks for a very long time and today they were gone...the heaviness is all gone...I had vowed a few weeks ago that I would leave the past the behind in 2018 and begin again, I can't go back and change anything....People I loved passed on from this life, the president is president regardless if you like him or you don't, our world is in the shape its in and the only way to change it is to be change...Each person has to want to make a change and when each of us personally change, change will happen collectively...I vowed to be better...a better person, a better friend, a better gardener, a better mom, a better wife...etc...I just want to be better...period... 

We have a lot of hurt in past 5 years of our lives here at Rocky Oak...it negatively affected us a whole...we spent a lot of years being and doing what we thought were the right things for the right reasons...but one day, in an instant, with some very ugly and harsh words from someone we loved and admired, trusted and looked up to...we realized we were not being true to who we were....we were living a life based on what others had told us our whole life was the right way...we grew from infants being taught and told "this is right and this is the only way"...for some maybe it is...for us leaving the organized church has been such a wonderful thing and has allowed us opprotunity to find what we believe and meet some wonderful people in the process...It has been freeing...We love our new found freedom! No longer in bondage of a legalistic way of life...Ahhhhh! its nice!

This year I just know is going to be awesome...I am excited to see what life has in store for us...We have so many plans we would like to see come to fruition, not only for

our little "homestead" but in our personal lives as well... but we will not fret if they don't....Joy and learning is in the journey, not in the destination!....I am going to embrace the journey this year and quit getting in my own way...I am going to take life as it comes and quit resisting....Something I have learned in my studies over the past couple of years is this...Change isn't what brings us saddness...its resisiting the change that brings us saddness....I believe it was Thich Naht Hanh that said that...Oh my did it speak volumes to me...I have always been one to resist change...and by doing so I got in my own way of happiness....This year I want to just enjoy the journey wherever it takes me...I want to learn in the process and be in the moment to savor all of life...My friend that passed was a busy woman...going here, going there, doing this or that....but never really stopping to touch life...just to breathe and take in all the goodness life offers...I want to feel, breathe, touch life and have no regrets...I am an outdoors person...I love nature...I love exploring it...photgraphing it...feeling the breeze on my face...I love lying in my hammock and looking up at the wonder of the heavens...I close my eyes and breathe deeply and thank the creator for life....OH! I can't wait for spring...Even this winter I have enjoyed more than previous winters...While I detest the cold, I know its a necessary part the cycle of life...I keep my bird feeders full and I daily I stand at the window and watch the birds come up to the feeder and get their tummies full...I love seeing the cardinals....I smile each time I see one and remember my dad and my friend...this morning when I saw 4 cardinals perached on the grape vines, I smiled...I didn't feel saddness that their journey on life was over, I felt joy that I had the time with them I had...they both taught me some of lifes greatest lessons...I am truly grateful.

I am so looking forward to what 2018 brings to us...I look forward to sharing it here, with you all...See ya soon!

Love, light and peace,
~Kris